Snowbank Songs

Content warning: self harm ruminations phrased in the imperative mood, set to music.

...

<Linus and Lucy> Get drunk and sleep in a snow bank

<Oh what a beautiful morning> Get drunk and sleep in a snowbank

<There is no place like Nebraska> Get drunk and sleep in a snowbank

<Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me> Sleep in a snowbank after you drink

<Amarillo By Morning> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Rudolph the red nosed reindeer> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Somewhere over the rainbow> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Put your head on my shoulder> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Lay down your head, tom dooley> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Just an old fashioned love song> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Sleigh bell ring, are you listening> Get drunk, sleep in a snowbank

<Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights> Get real fucked up, sleep in snow tonight

<Captain Kirk is climbing the mountain, why is he climbing the mountain> If your life is brimming with heartache, get drunk and sleep in a snowbank

Tangy Electrolyte Water

I don't love drinking water, or at least not my own well water. I need a little something in it. Juice is good, but eventually I run out of juice, and the store is so far away. Here's a recipe for tangy electrolyte water. This would make, oh, enough powder for 8 twenty fluid ounce glasses at a sweet concentration like a gatorade, I think, or maybe 16 glasses at a half dilution if you just want to take the edge off of your well water.  

  18 tbsp sugar

4 tsp citric acid

2 tsp sodium chloride

1/2 tsp tripotassium citrate

Potassiun citrate tastes bad, and I'm just including it because it seems sporty. It's in sweat, so it makes sense to replenish it if you sweat. I did a half effort to figure out the mass ratio of elemental sodium to potassium in this as a sanity check and failed to get sensible numbers. I was hoping for like 4:1 or 5:1 sodium to potassium. I don't think the ratio of the ratio is too crazy. If I can't taste the potassum, can it really be too high? It tasted pretty bad on it's own. And there isn't really a bar of "too little potassium", since I'd normally be drinking water with none. So I think what I have is okay. But I'll try to do the correct calculation again soon.

I'm delighted to say that this recipe dilutes well. It doesn't taste unpleasant if you quarter your portion of powder, the way some sodas taste much worse after dilution. I also didn't mind this drink with a splash of Chopin vodka. So that's something to consider if you want some electrolytes and sugar with your recreational neurotoxins.

At some point I might try adding a small amount of posphoric acid, or some water soluble vitamins or something. But so far I'm very happy with this.

I couldn't find food grade potassium phosphate at a reasonable price. But if I had that, I'd use it in place of the potassium citrate, in order to keep things all powdered and not have to mess with phosphoric acid. I guess I could make my own potassium phosphate. But I want this recipe to be easy for other people to use.

I own a few other organic acids, but I'm pretty sure citric is the one I want to use. It's better on one dimension or other than acetic, malic, or fumaric acid

Chords in 3-limit and 5-limit Just Intonation

The chords we use in western music theory are usually played in 12-TET, and 12-TET kind of blurs the difference between 3-limit and 5-limit just intonation. So you might wonder, do the chords sound good in 3-limit and 5-limit? Do some chords sound better in one intonation than the other? We're going to find out.

Here's the basic idea. A western chord might look like this:

    ".7": [P1, m3, P5, M7],

We can treat those as rank-2 intervals, and then the just tunings are 3-limit (a.k.a. Pythagorean). If instead we treat them as rank-3 intervals, then the just tunings are 5-limit.

If we write out the rank-3 intervals that have the same just tunings as the just intonation of the rank-2 intervals, then we get a chord like this:

    ".7_Pythagoren": [P1, Grm3, P5, AcM7],

I'm going to write down a bunch of chords like that in both systems, and then I'll listen to them and tell you what I think. In principle, we could have chords that mix 5-limit and 3-limit sounds. But we're going to start like this.

Here's a set of 28 fairly basic chords in rank-3 intervals:

chord_quality_to_intervals = {
".dim": [P1, m3, d5],
".dim7": [P1, m3, d5, d7],
".dim9": [P1, m3, d5, d7, M9],
".dim11": [P1, m3, d5, d7, M9, P11],
".m7b5": [P1, m3, d5, m7],
".m9b5": [P1, m3, d5, m7, M9],
".m11b5": [P1, m3, d5, m7, M9, P11],
".dim-maj7": [P1, m3, d5, M7],
".dim-maj9": [P1, m3, d5, M7, M9],
".dim-maj11": [P1, m3, d5, M7, M9, P11],
".m": [P1, m3, P5],
".m7": [P1, m3, P5, m7],
".m9": [P1, m3, P5, m7, M9],
".m11": [P1, m3, P5, m7, M9, P11],
".maj": [P1, M3, P5],
".7": [P1, M3, P5, m7],
".9": [P1, M3, P5, m7, M9],
".11": [P1, M3, P5, m7, M9, P11],
".maj7": [P1, M3, P5, M7],
".maj9": [P1, M3, P5, M7, M9],
".maj11": [P1, M3, P5, M7, M9, P11],
".aug": [P1, M3, A5],
".aug7": [P1, M3, A5, m7],
".aug9": [P1, M3, A5, m7, M9],
".aug11": [P1, M3, A5, m7, M9, P11],
".aug-maj7": [P1, M3, A5, M7],
".aug-maj9": [P1, M3, A5, M7, M9],
".aug-maj11": [P1, M3, A5, M7, M9, P11],
}

For the Pythagorean version, the perfect intervals stay the same, the minor intervals become "grave minor" intervals, the major intervals become "acute major" intervals. Unfortunately, the diminished and augmented intervals have to be treated case by case. But here is the full set of substitutions we'll need: 

P1 → P1       #   1/1
m3 → Grm3     #   6/5 → 32/27
M3 → AcM3     #   5/4 → 81/64
d5 → GrGrd5   #   36/25 → 1024/729 
P5 → P5       #   3/2
A5 → AcAcA5   #   25/16 → 6561/4096 
d7 → GrGrGrd7 #   216/125 → 32768/19683 
m7 → Grm7     #   9/5 → 16/9
M7 → AcM7     #   15/8 → 243/128
M9 → AcM9     #   20/9 → 9/4
P11 → P11     #   8/3

With those in hand, here are the Pythagorean chords we're going to examine:

pythagorean_chord_quality_to_intervals = {
".dim_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5],
".dim7_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, GrGrGrd7],
".dim9_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, GrGrGrd7, AcM9],
".dim11_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, GrGrGrd7, AcM9, P11],
".m7b5_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, Grm7],
".m9b5_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, Grm7, AcM9],
".m11b5_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, Grm7, AcM9, P11],
".dim-maj7_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, AcM7],
".dim-maj9_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, AcM7, AcM9],
".dim-maj11_pyth": [P1, Grm3, GrGrd5, AcM7, AcM9, P11],
".m_pyth": [P1, Grm3, P5],
".m7_pyth": [P1, Grm3, P5, Grm7],
".m9_pyth": [P1, Grm3, P5, Grm7, AcM9],
".m11_pyth": [P1, Grm3, P5, Grm7, AcM9, P11],
".maj_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5],
".7_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5, Grm7],
".9_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5, Grm7, AcM9],
".11_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5, Grm7, AcM9, P11],
".maj7_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5, AcM7],
".maj9_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5, AcM7, AcM9],
".maj11_pyth": [P1, AcM3, P5, AcM7, AcM9, P11],
".aug_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5],
".aug7_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5, Grm7],
".aug9_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5, Grm7, AcM9],
".aug11_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5, Grm7, AcM9, P11],
".aug-maj7_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5, AcM7],
".aug-maj9_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5, AcM7, AcM9],
".aug-maj11_pyth": [P1, AcM3, AcAcA5, AcM7, AcM9, P11],
}

Now to shake them in the sieve of my aesthetics.

...

I ended up throwing out the chords with 11th degrees. Too busy. Let's focus on the lower notes.

...

Hahahaha, oh no. All of the Pythagorean ones sound better. I got into microtonal music because of the beauty of five-limit just intonation, and I've been writing about microtonal music since February of 2022. It has not all been wasted effort, but I'm still pretty shocked. The 3-limit ones are smooth, jazzy, with a little bit of a sparkly. The 5-limit ones are bold, brassy, a bit like a barbershop quartet, a bit like an air raid siren, and the things that was a "sparkly" before is now a dissonant wub-wub auditory beating that grabs you and shakes you. It's still not actually bad compared to some of the microtonal dissonances I've inflicted on myself, but it's noticeably worse than the 3-limit. The 9th and 11th chords in particular are harder to stomach in 5-limit intonation - the 3 and 4 note chords mostly pass by without notice.

...

I'm not entirely sure what I need to do at this point. Probably rewrite some parts of my microtonal music theory textbook. And I'm going to add the Pythagorean versions of various chords to my 5-limit just intonation counterpoint generating programs. And... see what other people think of the sounds, in case I'm taking crazy pills.

...

Two people said that, if I played the two intonations of a chord side by side, the first one anchored their perception and the second one always sounded worse.

One person said that the Pythagorean chords always sounded better or not worse.

The person whose ear I trust the most, who tunes harpsichords for fun and plays in different meantone temperaments, said that they preferred the 5-limit intonation of major and augmented chords. Presumably that means they preferred the 3-limit intonation of diminished and minor chords.

This is encouraging to me. It means that both intonations might be useful. You can compose music that switches between 5-limit and 3-limit chords. They both have uses. I should listen again.

...

Rhyming Celebrity Items

June Cash's prune mash

Joe Exotic's probiotics

John Candy's Yukon brandy

Pat Nixon's fat vixens

Bob Dylan's mob fill in

In the new X Men movie, Bob Dylan's Blob (villain)

Bog body's hot toddies

Keith Urban's false teeth bourbon

Luca Turin's sambuca urine

Mariah Carey's papaya sherry

Beegie Adair's Fiji beachwear

Brad Mehldau's handheld cows

Brad Mehldau's sad yelled vows

Craig Ferguson's egg and burger den

Eugene O'Neill's new wiener-mobiles

FKA Twig's Chef's clay braised ribs

Tom Cruise's bomb boozes

Regis Philbin's egregious krill gin

John Hartford's drawn shortsword

John Hartford's lawn dart board

Keanu Reeves' free bamboo leaves

Keanu Reeves' pee on your eaves

Keanu Reeves' peon who grieves

Etienne Bezout's eighty pen Canadian day zoo where Kuwaiti wrens chase you

Matthew McConaughey's bathroom sink consomme

Matthew McConaughey's national holiday

Matthew McConaughey's value salmonidae

Ostrich's eldritch coss stitches

Sarah Perry's caldera aerie

Tyler The Creator's compiler and collator

Tyne Daly's slimy bailey's

When a fanfiction author denatures milk on a peat bog, you get Eliezer Yudkowsky's smelly heather mud cow cheese

Xxxtentacion's biconvex pen microphone

Xxxtentacion's double shot of cortisone

Xxxtentacion's intersex zen chaperone

Young Thug's dung bugs

Zach Braff's laugh tracks

When he titters energetically about the memory of trying to take a photo of a Himalayan man's crook, that's Zach Braff's yak staff macrograph flashback crack laugh

Curtis Yarvin's dwarven myrtus

Manuel Noriega's scanned, well-worn rig veda

McCoy Tyner's Big Boy diner

Vladimir Lenin's bad antivenin

Modal Mixture Functional Chord Grammar

I once wrote a post called "A Chord Grammar" that included some rules for generating chord sequences with modal mixture, i.e. chords from both C major and C minor scales. In that post, I didn't describe how the borrowed chords from the minor scale functioned in the major scale. I didn't know. I've tried figuring it out today, just by vibes, with some pretty weird results. So I go back and play a bunch of sequences and try to figure out what has predominant, dominant, or tonic vibes, and keep adjusting things. Or I go back to the chord progressions from the old post and see if they make sense under my current functional assignments. Here are my best current guesses.

First, the functions from C.maj diatonic triads and tetrads:

* C.maj, C.maj7 are tonic.
* D.m, D.m7 are predominant.
* E.m, E.m7 are tonic, maybe sometimes dominant.
* F.maj, F.maj7 are predominant.
* G.maj, G.7 are dominant.
* A.m, A.m7 are tonic.
* B.dim, B.m7b5 are dominant.

Here are diatonic chords from C minor as I think they function in C major chord progressions. 

* D.dim, D.m7b5 are dominant.
* Eb.maj, Eb.maj7 are predominant.
* F.m, F.m7 are predominant.
* G.m is tonic, G.m7 are tonic after borrowed chords, but have almost no function after the chords of the home key.
* Ab.maj, Ab.maj7 are predominant.
* Bb.maj, Bb.7 are dominant.

There are lots of weird things in here, but that's how I hear it. Two more weird things that modify the previous assignments.

1. Sometimes it feels to me like F.maj is tonic in progressions with modal borrowings. 

2. The chord A.m does not feel tonic after Bb.7. It's a weaker as a tonic after several of the modal borrowings, but that one is especially bad.

Also I thought F.m and F.m7 were dominant for a long time and still feel uncertain about those. Like, 

    [F.maj -> F.m -> C.maj]

feels really strong, but maybe that's because F.m and F.maj are both predominant, and we just have a plagal cadence with a predominant prolongation

    [PreD -> PreD -> T]

Or maybe F.m is dominant, and

    [F.maj -> F.m -> G.7 -> C.7],

which also sounds good, has a dominant prolongation

    [PreD -> D -> D -> T]

I just don't know. Going a little crazy. Maybe F.m6 sounds like an F.dim7 passing chord. Which is enharmonic in 12-TET with D.dim7. Which is like a D.7. Which is the secondary dominant of G. Which is ... *wanders off mumbling*.

I hesistate to codify this any further, because my functional assignments keep changing, but let's at least lump things together differently by function rather than chord root for a different perspective.

* C.maj, C.maj7 are tonic.
* E.m, E.m7 are tonic, maybe sometimes dominant.
* G.m, G.m7 are tonic after borrowed chords.
* A.m, A.m7 are tonic, but can't be be preceded by modal mixture chords. If we can assume that a chord with a 7ths degree can keep its function when you remove the 7th degree, then we can write this more succinctly as:

Predominant: [Ab.maj7, D.m7, Eb.maj7, F.m7, F.maj7]
Dominant: [D.m7b5, G.7, B.m7b5, Bb.7]
Tonic: [C.maj7, E.m7, G.m7, A.m7]

with caveats that E.m7 and F.maj7 might have dual functions, and A.m7 and G.m7 have slightly restricted function.

In a lot of my old modal mixture chord progressions, I had things things that went both [PreD -> D -> T] and [D -> PreD -> T]. And that second progression template sounds fine, you can totally play [G -> F -> C] without crying, but somehow I'd gotten under the misapprehension that chord progressions were only supposed to move in the first of those two manners.

So you can't go "Hm, yes, chord Q sounds good after chord M, so Q is  probably further along in the [PreD -> D -> T] line". Things can go anywhere and you just have to get a vibe for which progressions sound more like 4-5-1s or 5-4-1s or 6-2-5-1s or other things. Or maybe you can also take some hints by interlacing borrowed chords with old chords of known function. But it's still mostly vibes.

Suspended third chords in passing

I don't use suspended third chords spontaneously and don't have good principles for introducing them outside of formal counterpoint. Let's try to figure out ways to use suspended third chords. Suppose you have two diatonic triads, an initial chord and a final chord, and you want to sneak in a .sus2 or .sus4 chord between them. The classical idiom for dissonant suspensions in is to hold a note from initial chord over while other notes change, and then to drop the held note down by a small step interval (such as A1, d2, m2 M2, perhaps d3 when we get into jazz). The suspended note doesn't have to resolve to the the third of a chord in classical counterpoint, but we'll use that constraint here.

If we look at common transitions between diatonic triads and see when the initial chord has a note that's a small step over the third of the final chord, then these pop out at us:

[I.maj → II.sus4 → II.m] # 1-2
[II.m → III.sus4 → III.m] # 2-3
[III.m → II.sus4 → II.m] # 3-2
[IV.maj → V.sus4 → V.maj] # 4-5
[VII.dim → I.sus4 → I.maj] # 7-1

These are all .sus4 chords, rather than .sus2 chords, because, in the classical idiom, the suspended note falls to resolve. They also all connect diatonic triads with adjacent roots. Let's do the same thing with diatonic 7th chords. This gives us versions of the same five previous .sus4 transitions

* [I.maj7 → II.7sus4 → II.m7] # 1-2
* [II.m7 → III.7sus4 → III.m7] # 2-3
* [III.m7 → II.7sus4 → II.m7] # 3-2
* [IV.maj7 → V.7sus4 → V.7] # 4-5
* [VII.m7b5 → I.maj7sus4 → I.maj7] # 7-1

And also three new options:

* [II.m7 → V.7sus4 → V.7] # 2-5
* [V.7 → I.maj7sus4 → I.maj7] # 5-1
* [VI.m7 → II.7sus4 → II.m7] # 6-2

When generating those, one more spicy options showed up, that I don't quite know how to name:

If you carry the B over from C.maj7 and cary it into the third slot of an F.maj7 chord and resolve it down to A natural, the intermediate chord you get is [F, B, C, E], which isn't  IV.maj7sus4, since B natural is an augmented 4th over F, not a perfect fourth. I don't know a name for that chord.

I'll note that for these chord transitions to follow the classical idiom, you hhave to voice the chords in specific ways. For example, for the transition

* [II.m7 → V.7sus4 → V.7] # 2-5

looks like this in the key of C major

    [D.m7 → G.7sus4 → G.7]

and to get the suspension right, the D.m7 and G.7 have to be voiced so that the (A natural) actually falls by a small step to the (B natural) of G.7. It's not enough to have the notes in the chords; the notes have to line up correctly for the classical idiom to be realized.

Another thing we could try, which could get us .sus2 passing chords, is to introduce a note into the current chord which comes from the following chord, i.e. we could anticipate a note of the next chord. Here are some anticipitory options with diatonic triads:

[I.maj → I.sus2 → II.m]
[I.maj → I.sus4 → II.m]
[I.maj → I.sus4 → IV.maj]
[II.m → II.sus2 → III.m]
[II.m → II.sus4 → III.m]
[II.m → II.sus4 → V.maj]
[III.m → III.sus2 → II.m]
[III.m → III.sus4 → II.m]
[IV.maj → IV.sus4 → VII.dim]
[IV.maj → IV.sus2 → V.maj]
[IV.maj → IV.sus4 → V.maj]
[V.maj → V.sus4 → I.maj]
[VI.m → VI.sus4 → II.m]

No idea if these will sound good. Will have to investigate.

...

Augmented Passing Chords

I don't use enough augmented chords when composing. I don't know enough about them. Here are the results of an investigation.

Augmented chords sometimes work as passing chords between diatonic triads.

Here, in brackets, are some transitions between diatonic chords, followed by diminished chords that work well there. The augmented chord will usually have the same tonic as the first chord, sometimes the tonic of the second chord.

:: Augmented passing chords.

Tonic with Tonic.

* [I.maj → VI.m]: I.aug # 1-6

* [VI.m → I.Maj]: I.aug # 6-1

* [III.m → VI.m] : III.aug # 3-6

Predominant with Predominant.

* [IV.maj → II.m]: IV.aug # 4-2

* [II.m → IV.maj]: IV.aug # 2-4

~ [I.maj → II.m]: I.aug # 1-2

Tonic with Predominant.

* [I.maj → II.m]: I.aug # 1-2

* [I.maj → IV.maj]: I.aug # 1-4

* [III.m → IV.maj]: III.aug # 3-4

* [VI.m → II.m]: VI.aug # 6-2

Dominant with Tonic.

* [V.maj → III.m]: V.aug # 5-3

* [III.m → V.maj]: V.aug # 3-5

* [V.maj → I.maj]: V.aug # 5-1

~ [VII.dim → VI.m]: VII.aug # 7-6

~ [VII.dim → I.maj]: VII.aug # 7-1

Predominant with Dominant.

~ [II.m → V.maj]: II.aug # 2-5

The best sounding ones are marked with asterisks. The last three presented progressions sound less polished and are instead marked with tildes.

If you want to make more interesting chord progressions, try putting some augmented chords into these places. See how you like it.