New Mockingbird Verses

If that diamond ring won't shine, momma's gonna buy you a big green lime
If that big green lime's too tart, momma's gonna buy you a horse and cart
If that horse cart's axle breaks, momma's gonna buy you a bunch of crates
If those crates give your fingers splinters, momma's gonna buy you an inkjet printer
If that ink jet printer jams, momma's gonna buy you a loaf of ham
If that ham is way too fatty, momma's gonna buy you a brown rice paddy
If that brown rice paddy's muggy, momma's gonna buy you a baby buggy
If that baby buggy squeaks, momma's gonna buy you some long green leeks
If those long green leeks are lachrymatory, momma's gonna buy you an African gravel quarry
If that gravel quarries floods, momma's gonna buy you some white ear buds
If those white ear buds get lost, momma's gonna read you some Robert Frost
If that Robert Frost gets boring, momma's gonna buy you some parquet flooring
If that parquet flooring gets dirty, momma's gonna tell you 'bout the works of Dharmakirti
If Dharmakirti's philosophy's not to your liking, momma's gonna take you outdoors for hiking
If on that hike we get lost in the woods, at least your momma packed you some survival goods
If those survival goods run out, momma's gonna catch you a rainbow trout
If that rainbow trout has accumulated toxins, momma's gonna boil you up her ill-fated moccasins
If those moccasins won't tenderize, momma's gonna find some street vendor fries
If that street vendor's fries smell bad, momma's gonna buy you a legal pad
If that legal pad discolors, momma's gonna buy you some warm bed covers
If those warm bed covers get moth eaten, momma's gonna buy you a lighthouse beacon
If that lighthouse beacon fails, momma's gonna buy you a pod of whales
If that pod of whales gets harpooned, momma's got a rocket ship up to the moon
If whales can't breath on the surface of Luna, we'll try it once again with a family of tuna
If the tuna survival rate's also bad, momma's gonna send up a big crawdad
If that crawdad's also a wimp, momma's gonna try with a selection of shrimp
If the shrimp should also perish, this scenario will then have become nightmarish
Soon it's death to every living thing, all because you didn't like your diamond ring

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If that ring turns out to be zirconia, momma's gonna buy you a red begonia,

if that red begonia wilts, momma's gonna buy you a Scottish kilt

If that Scottish kilt should chafe, momma's gonna buy you a big floor safe

If that floor safe's lock's bypassed, momma's gonna buy you a mizzenmast

If that mizzenmast should fall, momma's gonna buy you a cashmere shawl

If that cashmere shawl unravels, momma's gonna buy you a judge's gavel

If that judge's gavel won't pound, momma's gonna buy you a brindle hound,

If that brindle hound won't hunt, momma's gonna buy you a ventriculopleural shunt

If that shunt won't divert spinal fluid, momma's gonna cast a statue of a vinyl druid

If that vinyl statue cracks, momma's gonna buy you a Viking axe

If that Viking axe won't chop, momma's gonna buy you some lemon drops

If you find lemon drops too sour, momma's gonna buy you a wizard's tower

If that wizard's tower's cursed, momma's gonna buy you a beer bratwurst

If that beer bratwurst's too fatty, momma's gonna buy you all of Cincinnati

If Cincinnati's just not your town, momma's gonna buy you a golden crown

If that golden crown won't fit, Johnnie Cochran argues that you must acquit